Chibuzor: Hello! It's such a pleasure to have you join us on today's episode of the show. This is the Sunrise Convo with Chibuzor and it's brought to you by the SunRise Youth Intervention Organization. To know more about our organization you can visit our website www.sunrisegospelzone.com. We thank you for the amazing feedback we got from the two-part series we had on Excellence Oriented Living and if you missed it visit our website to read the transcript. The website is still www.sunrisegospelzone.com.
Today I have Cheerful Light and Patrick Ndifon and we are here to discuss on a very important topic 'Overcoming Rejection' our phone lines are open for text messages only, so feel free to send in your questions and comments. The number is 0813 969 1344, I repeat the number again 0813 969 1344. Guys I wanted us to discuss on this topic because there is so much going on with young people in this regard - Rejection.
You find people who have lost their jobs, you find people who have had a broken relationship, You have people whom their parents have thrown them out and said 'We don't want to have anything to do with you and that's the reason why I want us to talk on this topic. One of the things that the Enemy and by the word 'Enemy' I mean the devil uses to keep people from moving forward is rejection from people around them, people whose approval are very important to them.
To be rejected in the real sense means to be marginalized, to be discriminated against, to be given little or zero regard because of your pedigree, your financial status, your health status, your ethnicity and for some other crazy reasons. You know, and you find rejection in the family, you find rejection in the workplace, find rejection in so many social circles and now the main problem here is not rejection itself, it's not rejection, because I don't care who you are, I don't care how much money you have, I don't care how good looking you are or how connected you are, you will definitely get rejected at one point or the other in life. Not everybody will like you and some will be gross enough to tell it to your face.
We've had stories of great people who have made giant strides in life, who had been told 'You are crazy; we don't want you. Get out' You know, they've been several cases and then they were able to put that aside and move forward. The major problem is not the rejection, it's the obsession with the rejection that is thrown at you. And one thing is that the feeling makes its entrance with subtlety, you know but the effect can be really really devastating. Very devastating, you know, two years ago we had this conversation on the website with Deborah Rodriguez in 2015 and there is one thing I have discovered about rejection, rejection throws you into a steep path, like a steep path leading to a ravine and usually the first step, you know, when you are thrown, the first effect is you feel disappointed, you feel somehow, somewhat let down but if you are not careful, it throws you again deeper, into a deeper part of the ravine and you sink into depression thing, the whole rejection thing begins to sink in and absorb your mind and if you are not careful, it takes you to the overt form, which is you become suicidal, you become bitter, filled with rage and sometimes you feel like killing somebody especially the person who...[Cheerful: It could lead to vices]... it could, yeah it could lead to that. So That's absolutely true.
Patrick: Yeah, Yeah absolutely. First of all, I'll like to say good morning to the listeners, welcome to the show. The thing about rejection and which is what you've said is that if you let it get too far, you know, you can do a lot of crazy stuffs. We all wanna be loved, we all want to be accepted, we all want people to like us, and the thing about life is that people have their preferences [Chibuzor: of course]...people have what they like, people have what they don't like. And so there's going to be situations where you are definitely going to get rejected. You are definitely, somebody is going to say something to you that you don't like. You are going to be turned away several times, you know, it's how you deal with the situations that really counts. [Chibuzor: Yeah]... Sadly a lot of people don't know, and it is usually because of a poor self-image, you know, that's one of them, inferiority complex, they don't don't see, they don't think much of themselves. And that's the reason why they always take rejection too far. You know, I've seen situations where a lady has been turned down by men or several guys or treated badly a guy, sorry. Treated badly by a guy, and she just ended up saying 'Ahh! All men...[Chibuzor: All men are trash']... 'All men are trash'...[Cheerful: I'll never fall in love again, Laughs]... And she changes her attitude and mind towards guys and her life begins to go downward from there on.
Cheerful: Well, Good morning guys! This is what I have to say about rejection. First of all, you need to understand that like he said, it follows a trend. You know, first of all you are disappointed and it could lead to frustration and then depression. And then you start thinking about crazy stuff. But this what you need to understand, number one:
Rejection most times is temporal, because man's love is conditional. At a point, maybe in a workplace for instance, you were not good enough, so don't really take it personal. Okay? Because opinions may change, you know, and I use to tell people you don't wanna go through life living based on people's opinion of you. Life was given to you to be lived based on God's word, which is principles. Do you understand? So, spend time living and thinking on what he has said and not on people's opinion, okay? And then there's another problem, I call the 'Approval Addiction', it's good to be encouraged, sometimes we want people to affirm us, to confirm and even validate our potentials. But don't be too addictive about it, you know, especially when we have authority figures in our lives. You know, your boss says something about your work and now you are haywire about it, 'No, they don't like me and all of that' don't take these things too far. And don't be too dependent on people's approval of you, the important thing is who you are and what God says about.
Chibuzor: Alright, we are going to take a music break and once again the number to text, pls don't call I'm begging you, don't call. The number to text is 0813 969 1344. We will like to hear what you think about these conversations and about overcoming rejection, the number to text again is 0813 969 1344. Enjoy this song.
Chibuzor: Welcome back, thank you for joining us. This is the SunRise Convo with Chibuzor and it's brought to you by the SunRise Youth Intervention Organization, to know more about our work please visit our website www.sunrisegospelzone.com. Today We are discussing on overcoming Rejection and We have said quite a lot in that regard, let's look at the root of rejection, particularly the obsession with the feeling of being rejected. Some persons find it easy to move on after encountering rejection, other persons don't find easy at all and I believe this stems from something, yeah there are people that they feel they go for a job interview or maybe they were in relationship that didn't work they may feel a little bit disappointed and then they bounce back, but some people, they will be on the matter for a very long time and they will keep sinking it and sinking in it and you look at such people, there's actually something behind, there is something behind that causes that to happen and all of these emanates from the feeling of inferiority... [Patrick: Yeah, Absolutely]...insecurity as well and approval addiction, wanting to please. You know, for example someone doesn't accept you, someone doesn't regard you and then you take it, especially if you are someone who likes to please people, you attach yourself importance to what people say about you, you only feel good about yourself when people say good things about you, but when they don't say good things about you or when they don't recognize your work, you feel bad. That's an issue, approval addiction, insecurities and inferiority complex.
Patrick: Yeah, yeah. Call it the disease to please (Everyone laughs). A lot of people get caught up with what people say about them and it gets to their head. And so when someone turns them down and they get rejected it becomes a really big problem because someone they've put on a pedestal, has suddenly become repulsive to them. So it's a big thing. So I will like to give out symptoms of the disease to please, you know, and one of them is you have this approval addiction if
- You like to impress others and adjust your appearance and personality whenever people are around. So that's a symptom, you really need to watch out for that.
- You are extremely sensitive to criticism; you spend hours over a negative comment. There are some people whom if say something negative about them they begin to meditate on that constantly and it's really terrible... [Chibuzor: It's Really terrible].
- You describe yourself as a 'people pleaser', you always say "Well I like to please people" Then you have an approval addiction.
Chibuzor: And when you feel rejected it's going to come to you like a hot blow)
Patrick: Exactly, and then if you are someone who is obsessed about your Facebook likes, twitter, Instagram likes, and all that... [Chibuzor: You have a problem]..you're always checking to see the number of the followers you have, comparing yourself with others, those kind of things, you need to watch out for them, those are signs that you are an approval addict per se you know and you really need to be careful, because if you are rejected, you find out that your belief turns against you, and you feel disappointed and down cast and it could spiral into a whole bunch of other things you don't want for yourself.
Cheerful: You know, some years back, my boss once told me something, a true life story about this gentleman, he spent virtually all of his time in the house taking all manner of selfies, pictures post them on Instagram, okay, and gets a lot of likes, Facebook and gets a lot of likes. And that became his obsession, young guy.
Chibuzor: That became his purpose for living.
Cheerful: Seventeen years old, so…(chuckles) Something happened one day, he stepped outta the street, walked down and tried to relate with people, he didn't get as much 'likes' and 'comments' as he did, do you understand, it became traumatic, he was like 'Ah ah how come I have all of these on social media and I'm not that popular on in real life and it came to him hard, then it dawned on him that 'Hey, all these things don't matter'. You know, maybe I should share with you some of the reasons you are likely to get rejected so you'll know. For instance, your background, you are not really educated, your socioeconomic status, maybe you don't have too much money so the sister dumps you for the guys that has the bar, and at work too maybe you don't have much experience, so they turn you down on that job. Maybe even, your competence, they gave you the job but you blew it, but I don't think any of these are a problem, because now I know the area of rejection and I can now work towards it.
Chibuzor: Work on yourself.
Cheerful: Sometimes, spiritual convictions or religious convictions. They'll be like he's too spiritual, we want to scheme, we want to steal money, but he is a man of God. Do you understand, even your race, he is black, but you can't keep crying about all these things. You need to take charge of your life and move on.
Chibuzor: I've had that kind of experience where people don't want me around In their thing, they say 'you are a man of God'.
Cheerful: Man of God!!!
Chibuzor: Anyway, no problem, no problem.
Cheerful: Holy Holy (Everyone laughs)
Chibuzor: Yeah to join the conversation please send your comments to 08139691344, Some of you have been trying to call us, we keep begging you, please…and another thing some of you like flashing us even after the show, it's not good, is that how you use to do? Abeg! Alright, we have some text messages, Patrick we'll like you to take them
Patrick: Yeah, this text message says 'You cannot take the high leap without a step backwards, I think rejection is another opportunity for you to improve yourself' these person is hash tagged maxfree. Please stop calling.
Chibuzor: Alright, Alright! Yeah, It's absolutely true like Cheerful said, when you are being rejected, you dust off the rejection, like they say success is the best revenge. Try to build yourself, try to improve yourself at each given time, because when you become big; if you are big, you are big.
Cheerful: They'll come around.
Patrick: Disappoint is an opportunity in disguise
Chibuzor: They will come for you. I remember there was a time I was trying to beg someone to help me get a particular thing done and the person was just playing around, playing around, now they are the ones begging me to get that thing. And I'm going to give it to them, I will not pay back evil with evil. I'm giving it to them big dose, so that's the thing with life. You don't let such experiences pin you down and it doesn't matter the rejection you have faced over the years, God can heal your broken heart, there is this beautiful scripture I love so much in Hosea 1 verse 10, it says
'In the same place where you were once called an outcast, in the same place where you were rejected by men, you will be called children of God, the chosen of God'
So in the same place where you were once rejected, that's the same place where you will be celebrated. And That's something I want you to allow sink, settle and soak in your heart and God is using this our conversation today to speak to you today. Maybe you were unjustly given a sack letter, maybe you were unjustly treated, God will never leave you stranded. Apostle Paul said something, said 'I'm pressed but not crushed, crucified but not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed' Someone told me a story of a certain teacher in a certain school somewhere in Akwa Ibom, the man got unjustly sacked because of something that happened in the school, I don't know how it happened, but that man was innocent, but God doesn't sleep. One thing in life, is try to make your hands clean, You know. The students got upset and one of the students contacted his Dad and said 'Dad, there is this teacher, he is a very nice man, he is a sincere man and he's been sacked. And we are sure he did not do what he was accused of' The Dad had a very big establishment in Port Harcourt, so the man got in touch with the teacher, do you know what happened? They employed this man and the owner of the establishment found out that the man's wife wasn't employed and employed the wife. If he wasn't sacked, he wouldn't have gotten this big job and the wife wouldn't have been employed, so sometimes when you are being rejected, you are being pushed to your promised land.
Cheerful: Yeah, yeah! It reminds me of the other scripture, the rejected stone becoming the chief corner stone, It happened to joseph, but joseph became so big, he became Potiphar's boss. (Laughs).
Chibuzor: Yeah, Someone said I like the comment that is said 'Rejection is only temporal, yes and truly we shouldn't depend on people's approval because if we don't get it, we end up being sad and working for all the wrong reasons' Oh That's really really good. So Patrick, you'd like to say something about that.
Patrick: Yeah yeah! Absolutely true, rejection is temporal, you know. You shouldn't think of it as, oh I got rejected so that's the end of life, you know, learn to deal with it, start by telling yourself or speaking to yourself kindly, speak positive about yourself and put your trust on God's word. It's God's who created you, so everything about you, He knows and He has said so many wonderful things about you, so put your focus on that. The bible says that, 'Do not put your trust in the arm of the flesh', don't trust in man. Man is inconstant, man always changes, his opinion changes. He likes you today, tomorrow he doesn't. But God is always constant and he's said so many beautiful things about you, learn to hold on to those things. And then don't take it personal, it's not always about you. You may have been rejected not because of something you did wrong, because people also have their own insecurities, people have things to worry about, so it's not always about you. They may have rejected you for a valid reason. Look ahead, paint a positive picture about yourself, Cheerful has already given us an example of Joseph in the bible and Chibuzor has given us an example of the guy who got sacked in his office. I think having a positive mindset is one of the most important attribute you need to overcoming rejection. Set your mind on God's word, very very important.
Chibuzor: Don't base yourself importance on what people say about you, human beings…(hisses) Oh my lord! Look at Jesus, Look at Jesus, When he came to Jerusalem, they were hailing him 'Oh Hossana in the highest, hosanna in the highest…hosanna' When it was Friday, 'Crucify him'.
Chibuzor: Crucify him, same people.
Cheerful: I've always thought about it, He healed the sick, he raised the dead, he didn't do anything wrong. The same people said crucify. People don't always pay you good with good, they payback good with evil sometimes and you have to deal with it.
Chibuzor: Mhmmm! Let read some messages before we take a musical break. Someone says
'I'm Dereck Ikpe, a gospel rapper, seriously I've been rejected by On-Air-Personality, Djs, Events, friends, all because I do gospel music. Now I'm addicted to painkillers and I know my liver is messed up and my days are short'.
Oh my dear! We will talk about that
'My name is Gift from Akamkpa, I do not think rejection should make one feel bad either, but it's a step of motivation and self-awareness.'
Okay, thank you Gift. That's really really good. The guy who is on pain killers because of the rejection, Brother, you…like we said, people's opinions of you don't really matter. When you stand before God, God is not going to ask you 'Do they like you?' God is never going to ask you that question, so you do what God has called you to do. Because in life you have to be strong, life is not for the weak, if you are not strong you'll swept off like hay, you will be swept off like straw. So you have to be strong, and one thing you have to know is that if you know that God has called you to do this, it will definitely come true, we've given you a scripture here that says in the same place where you've been rejected, you'll be accepted. You are not the only one who has been rejected, there are countless number of stories. Brother, we will talk to you after the show, let's take a musical break.
Chibuzor: Thank You for joining us, we've had dozens of text messages, my phone is vibrating here with text messages. Next week we are going to make sure we treat your messages, we are only going to dwell on questions, we are going to answer them thoroughly. And to know the things we have talked about, during this conversation, check out our transcript on our website, the sunrisegospelzone.com.
We have all the transcript of all the shows we have ever done here on Hit FM on our website so go check them and you'll enjoy every single bit of them.
I have some announcement here, Insight Bible Church has a special program that is ending week, it's called 'Seed of Greatness Seminar' and it's tagged 'Enforcing The Covenant', It holds every Thursday to Sunday in May 2017, Thursday to Friday by 5pm and Sunday 8am. And this Sunday, that's tomorrow, the 28th, there's going to be an evening of worship and the people who have ministered during these program are Pastor Adedayo Olademeji, Bishop Mike Waju, Pastor Tunde Oyeyipo and Pastor kelechi Chibuzor who happens to be the host Pastor of insight bible Church, Calabar. In music we have Simeon Douglas, Emmanuel Elias, J. Godwin. The Venue of the Church is #1 Effiong Ekpo, off Ndidem Usang Iso, by Glo office Calabar. And for enquiries call 0706 095 3733 or call 0813 6719267.
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Let's say a short prayer for our listeners:
'Father God we thank you for all those who have tuned in to these show, we pray for your peace, we pray for your healing upon their hearts, we pray that rejection will not gain a hold of their hearts. We pray in the Name of Jesus that you'll bring peace to them, in Jesus Name, Amen.'
Thank you for tuning in, this is the SunRise Convo with Chibuzor, I am Chibuzor Agomuoh and I Love You for Listening Bye Bye!