Chibuzor: It's another beautiful Saturday morning. Welcome to another riveting episode of 'The SunRise Convo with Chibuzor'.
I am Chibuzor Agomuoh.
This show is brought to you by the generous support of friends of The SunRise Youth Intervention Organisation.
Some of our projects include:
1) The SunRise School Tour
2) The SunRise Academy for Young Leaders
3) The SunRise Skills Acquisition Training Programme
4) The SunRose SMS devotional which reaches over 3,000 young persons in 6 countries.
5) And soon we are beginning The SunRise Prisons Outreach.
This is our way of reaching out to young persons in prison and reminding them that they can create a new future for themselves.
To know more about our work, kindly visit our official website- sunrisegospelzone.com
Now, parents, this announcement is for you:
The SunRise Youth Intervention Organisation is starting a 2-week training programme for teenagers in August.
For more details please wait till the end of the show, or visit our website-
Several of you reacted to our conversation last week. Many of you gave positive comments, some of you had questions, and that is why we are having the part 2 today.
Pastor Peter was here last week. The topic of our discourse was: How to make the most of your single life, and he is here again to complete the 2-part series.
Good to have you again, Peter.
Peter: Thank you.
Chibuzor: So ladies and gentlemen, get ready to have a great time as we discuss 'How to Make the Most of Your Single Life' after this music break.
[Music break- I Overcame, by Ada Ehi]
This is still 'The SunRise Convo with Chibuzor' brought to you by The SunRise Youth Intervention Organisation.
So Peter, this morning I was going through the transcript of our conversation last Saturday-by the way, for those of you who don't know this, we have the transcripts of all the shows we've had on Hit FM right from the very beginning. Reading the transcripts is like reliving the conversation.
Sunrisegospelzone.com is the website.
So like I was saying, I was going through the transcript, and thereafter some of the questions our listeners asked, and it reminded me of some of the caustic mistakes young person’s make. Let me play out a scenario:
A young man finds a young lady he likes, let's say he is in his late 20's.
He chooses to house this young lady. They aren't married, no plans to get married anytime soon. There is no inclination that this relationship is headed to marriage.
He earns a decent salary.
Now, he is paying this young lady's school fees, her maintenance money, traveling expenses.
He spends an average of N125,000 on her every month. He's been doing this for the last 3 years, and from the look of things this relationship is not heading to marriage because from the look of things as soon as this lady is done with school, she will jet out of his life, and his 4 million naira would have gone down the drains. Now, if he had saved up that money and chosen to live responsibly, that can get him a good parcel of land, which sadly he doesn’t own one.
So I want you to address young men concerning this, even young women.
You find a lady living with a young man. She has a thriving corporate job. She's just been elevated to a higher position, and the job requires that she moves to the next city to serve in that capacity. And sadly she is living with young man who is not her husband, just 'boyfriend-girlfriend whatever', and the young man is threatening that if she goes further to assume this new office he is going to call off the relationship. So let's look at some of these caustic mistakes young people make. Is it necessary for them to make this sacrifices? Let's hear what you have to say in this regard.
Peter: I think one thing we should look into is, what's the perspective? Making sacrifices in a relationship isn't a sin. It isn't wrong. But we need to know the boundaries: how far we can go and where the boundary ends. I think live-in-lovers are...........it's wrong. It's not necessary. It's not necessary. And if you are in a relationship and you are making some sacrifices, you have to have an understanding of where this relationship is taking the both of you to. If it is not heading to marriage, I think you should see it in a different light, and you two should not have an expectation of what the end would be.
Now I believe if a young man spends so much on a lady monthly, the Bible says "Wisdom is profitable to direct." I think such a person lacks wisdom. I believe if we can look deep into ourselves, what we want and how to achieve it, we will have plans.
As I said before, sacrifices in a relationship is not a sin, but should know how far we can go and where we can stop. You shouldn't even house a lady or house a man.
Chibuzor: ......you've not even met her parents.
Peter: There are laid down rules we need to follow.
Chibuzor: And sadly we find this everywhere. You find 19-year-old girls living in a man's house, and the sad thing is this: their parents don't even know about this. They are in the University or wherever. Their parents are thinking "Oh...she is living in a hostel." Or "She is living alone studying in another city", not knowing that she is living in a man's house.
Someone might say "Don't judge!" Well, we are not judging, but we are judging. We are judging because if you don't make the right decisions, you are bound to make terrible mistakes that would affect you for the rest of your life.
How can you be 19 and you are allowing someone to tie you down?
I would like us to look at people who are in relationships. You know we work with young people. I get to hear this a lot and it really annoys me. You are 19 years old, twenty years old, and you are living with a man? Yes, you've said it that it is not right to live with someone you are not married to, the Bible has stipulated it. But common sense would tell you that you don't need to house someone you have no commitment with, you are just living together as boyfriend and girlfriend. You don't need to give someone you aren't married to, husband or wife privileges.
I would like you to address young persons who are having this as a habit, and they would move from one person to another. If this one breaks up they move to another person.
Peter: I think the biggest problem is the foundation. When the foundation is not right, you don't expect the building to stand strong. The Bible says "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." I believe our parents have a greater role to play here. If we rightly educate them, and if we make right provisions for them, I don't see them becoming live-in-lovers.
If I have my own place to stay, if I have my accommodation and everything I would need as a young teenage girl, there are certain limits I won't cross.
So it's something we should not even think about, that a young growing child of 19 is committing himself in a relationship that does not have a future.
Chibuzor: ....that does not have a future, and sadly the girls get beaten sometimes, by some of these ruthless men. It's so sad.
Peter: It's so sad. It's something we need to handle.
Chibuzor: Absolutely. We would like to get your comments, your questions. We would like to read what you have to say concerning this. The number is 08061243706.
Send in text messages only, do not call.
Now I would like us to talk about some of the sacrifices young person’s make in the name of relationship, because we are talking about "Making the Most of Your Single Life".
Now, there is nothing wrong in finding love and doing it the right way, the issue is when you go overboard, when you begin to make decisions that would cost you so much in the future. Earlier on you said it is not a bad thing to make sacrifices.
Peter: No it's not...
Chibuzor: But where do you draw the line? When do you say that one has gone overboard with making sacrifices?
Peter: Okay. Sacrifices in a relationship is necessary, because there is no love without sacrifice. But when it begins to deal with your passion and your dreams, I think that's the limit you can go with sacrifice, because one thing you live with is your passion. After your passion is your dreams. You can't cancel your dreams. You cannot lay down your dreams because of a relationship, especially what we are saying, a relationship that does not have a future.
One thing we should not give away in a relationship is our happiness. If you are not happy in a relationship, you don't need the relationship. You can't sell your freedom in a relationship.
Chibuzor: Absolutely. Our listeners, I hope you guys are listening. Please open your ears and pay close attention to this.
Peter: One reason why we sell our freedom is because we are insecure. We tend to be so scared of losing a relationship, but if that relationship is going to take away your freedom, you don't need it. Another thing we should see as a line, is your inner peace. If you don't have inner peace in a relationship, you don't need to be there. You don't need to be there. That relationship will cost you a lot.
You can't find happiness if you don't have inner peace in you and you can't find great expression in a relationship when you don't have inner peace, that one thing we should understand. And there is another thing we shouldn't give up: our personality. Who you are.
Chibuzor: That's why it's important to discover yourself, to define yourself before you choose to spend the rest of your life with someone else.
Peter: Yes. Just imagine me going I to a relationship and one of the criteria to be in that relationship is to give up my ministry.
It can't work. I don't need to be in such a relationship. You can't sell your personality for a relationship, that's not the kind of sacrifice you need to make in a relationship. That does not mean you can't take care of your partner's need.
When it deals with your relationship, you don't need that at all.
That's the limit I think we should go.
Another one is your belief. Your belief. You can't because of a relationship sell your belief. It shouldn't be because of 'love', I'm a Christian and then I become a Muslim because of a relationship. Our beliefs should not be tampered with because of a relationship. It shouldn't.
There are certain attributes we need to have in marriage, there are certain things we need to do in a relationship. There are certain heights we could go for our spouse, but there are certain limits we can't cross, and one of them is our belief.
Chibuzor: Our belief. Our belief. So you've talked about happiness. You've talked about freedom. You've talked about…
Chibuzor and Patrick: …Inner peace.
Chibuzor: Our personality, and finally our beliefs. You can't trade these things. We are going to take another music break. Some of you have tried calling, we don't take calls on this particular show. Text messages will be read out. We only want you to send in your questions and your contributions to the number 08061243706.
We'll take this short music break and we'll be right back.
[Music break- Wonderful Lord by Nathaniel Bassey]
Chibuzor: This is 'The SunRise Convo with Chibuzor' brought to you by The SunRise Youth Intervention Organisation.
We've had some text message here, particularly questions. I'll read this one from Edim. It says:
"What can be done when the girl becomes pregnant as a way of securing the man even when the man is not ready?"
Chibuzor: Oh my goodness.... what do you have to say to this, Peter, using pregnancy to trap the man?
Peter: Well, it happens, but one thing we need to understand is this: what you are after is marriage, and you can't use pregnancy to sustain the marriage. Pregnancy is not what sustains the marriage. You should only know that what you are only going into is a hell, because what the man does not want to go into, and you are using pregnancy to make him go into it, you will regret it all your life. So using pregnancy to tie down a relationship is not an option. It's not an option. It's not an option.
See, Songs of Solomon 3:5 says "Do not awaken love until it is time."
So if that relationship is not heading towards marriage, please, our sisters out there, don't use pregnancy as a means of going into marriage. It won't work. At least 99% of such cases have not worked, so it won't work.
Chibuzor: Alright. I have another question here. It just came in. It says:
"Good day presenters. Young students are suffering, especially those whose parents are outside of Cross River. I know girl who is housing a guy for more than 4 years, feeding the guy, and most often being beaten by the guy. Her parents keep sending her money."
What do you have to say about this? Because, sorry, I think this is all foolishness.
Peter: Pure foolishness.
Chibuzor: You are housing a guy, he is beating you up, and you are wasting your life. This is foolishness. The best thing to tell the lady is, to stop bring stupid. That is, it. I won't bother you, Peter, to say something more in that light.
Peter: No, that covers it.
Chibuzor: Barbara from Calabar says:
"Please, I am a 17-year-old teenager. Please is it right to date or have any intimate relationship with a boy? Is it also right to lose your virginity to your boyfriend in the name of love?"
Pastor Peter, over to you.
Peter: Is it right to date?
Chibuzor: To date at 17? Question 1. Question 2: Is it right to have an intimate relationship with a boy? And 3: Is it right to lose your virginity to your boyfriend?
Peter: I think the question I would ask her is, what is your priority for life? Is it a man, or your goals? I want you to know that whenever you go into a relationship, you would be distracted by the relationship, because you will stay committed. I don't think giving out your virginity is a mistake many of us haven't done, and many are still doing. Giving out your virginity, the Bible made it clear, "Let the bed be undefiled."
I think you should keep your virginity for the man you will be married to. I think that's the best gift you could give to a man in marriage. So please I don't think you need to start up a relationship at 17. You should build up your capacity to be the woman that the world would need, not just for a man. Please it's not necessary.
Chibuzor: Barbara, it's not necessary to start a relationship at this age. You could have male friends, but sleeping with any of them is a 'no, no' because by the time you start having sex with him, you will get so attached to him. Sex is like a bond. It cements and glues you to this person. By the time he breaks up with you, it's going to be devastating, and that is why the word of God has told us to flee fornication. God is wise enough to lay down the rules and to tell us the right thing to do. So, this is not the best for you. Keep yourself for marriage. Focus on being independent and successful, and when the time comes for marriage you can have all the sex you want because now it is safe. There is time for everything. You are not going to die if you keep yourself for marriage.
Sorry we have a lot of questions. We can't treat them all today.
Okay, I'll take one more question:
"What if you love the guy and find out that the guy doesn't love you, but pretends to love you. What do you do?"
Peter: You've already said it all because you already know this guy doesn't love you, but pretends he does. You don't need to be in the relationship....
Chibuzor: Why are you there?
Peter: Of course! There are certain ways to get this thing. Number 1: How committed is this person to you? Will he do what you are doing for him? Does he see what you are doing for him as a sacrifice or as a right? There are certain limits we shouldn't cross.
Chibuzor: That is just a total waste of time, just get yourself out of that relationship, and do something meaningful with your life.
We have a few announcements here to read:
1) The SunRise Academy for Young Leaders is going to have a holiday training programme starting from August 7th to the 18, 2017. The time is 8:30am to 12noon, Mondays to Fridays.
The training is going to involve:
i) Web design and digital marketing.
ii) Goal setting
iii) Leadership Basics
v) Public Speaking
vi) Social Graces
vii) Personal Transformation, and a lot more.
The registration is just N3,500 only.
Parents, you heard us talk on this show right from the very beginning for several months, and you know the quality of information we've been giving out. This is an opportunity for your teenagers to have one-on-one mentoring. Don't let them sit down at home and waste away this holiday. It's a two-week training programme starting August 7 - 18. For more details, call the number: 08139691344.
2) HardCoded Nig. Presents: Basic Front-end Web development BootCamp.
Do you want to learn how to build websites?
Are you interested in becoming a web developer? Then this is for you.
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• Get 50+ hours of hands-on training and coaching.
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• Build 5 projects ( 3 websites, 1 game and 1 app).
• Get 1 free video course (with 10 tutorials).
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• 1 Certificate of completion.
Training fee is N40,000.
Date: July 22 - September 23, 2017
Time: 11:00am - 6:00pm (Saturday classes only)
Venue: 65/66 Ndidem Usang Iso Road, Calabar.
(Same place as UPS Express).
Sign up and pay before July 22 to get 12% discount!
Register and reserve your slot now.
For more enquires call us on 07031175627, 08105981556.
3) We use this opportunity to invite you to Pastor Peter's Church. It's Dominion High Commission Int'l Church. Located at Benan Suite Hotel, Old Odukpani Road, Calabar.
Weekly services hold on:
Wednesday- 5:30pm( Bible Study).
Saturday- 6:00am to 8:00am (Mount Carmel Experience).
Sunday- Impartation Service by 8am.
4) Enyzz Event & Decor is offering you special event decoration services.
Contact them on- 0816 6166 170.
Enyzz Event & Decoration….Giving You a Splendid Event.
Pastor Peter I would like you to pray for our listeners.
[Pastor Peter prays in Jesus name]
Be sure to visit the website for the transcript - www.sunrisegospelzone.com
and if you would like to advertise on our show, call us on 08065821693.
My name is Chibuzor Agomuoh.
It was my pleasure talking to you.
We leave you with this song by Ada Ehi.
I love you for listening.