Chibuzor: Hello! Good morning! Welcome to another edition of 'The SunRise Convo with Chibuzor' brought to you by the friends and partners of The SunRise Youth Intervention Organisation.
Kindly visit our official website for Christian news, transcripts of previous shows, articles, pictorial reports of some of our life-changing projects. The website to visit is sunrisegospelzone.com.
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Today I have an interesting guest. I'm really delighted to have him on the show. So good to have you here Pastor Peter Patrick.
Peter: Thank you very much.
Chibuzor: Mr. Peter Patrick is a Pastor at Dominion High Commission Int'l Church, serving as the Pastor for the Church’s branch at Old Odukpani road, precisely Benan Suite Hotel, am I right?
Peter: You're right.
Chibuzor: Incidentally we are in-laws. We have one thing in common: we are both Frederick's uncle.
Today we'll be discussing 'How To Make the Most of Your Single Life'. We'll be saying a lot to that effect. This is a very interesting topic and I wouldn't want you to miss it, so call your friends and ask them to tune in to Hit 95.9FM
We have so much to discuss when we return from this music break, we'll be right back so stay with us.
[Music break- 'None but Jesus' by Hilsong]
Chibuzor: This is still 'The SunRise Convo with Chibuzor' brought to you by The SunRise Youth Intervention Organisation, and my guest here is Pastor Peter Patrick. On today's show we are looking at 'How to Make the Most of Your Single Life'.
The Bible tells us that in life there is time for everything. There is a time to be single, and when that phase is over, there comes the time to be married.
Marriage is a beautiful thing, I know you'll agree with me, but the excessive aggrandizement given to marriage has downplayed the importance of building a great life even while being single. The obsession about getting married has robbed a lot of young persons of the joy of being single and achieving great things.
So Peter, what do have to say in that regard?
Peter: Yeah...like the scripture you mentioned in Proverbs and Ecclesiastes 3, there is time for everything, and the truth about life is, God has created singlehood for a season. It's not a life time event, it's just for a season. And there are things we need to learn while we're still single because what you need to make a better life when you're married needs to be learned while we are still single.
Peter: So one thing we need to understand is that we don't need to play down this season of our lives as singles. We need to get what we need to get and we need to become what we need to become as a single man or a woman. So we don't need to play down the aspect of singlehood. We don't need to deprive ourselves of this singlehood season, and we need to understand that there is time for everything.
So if it's time to be singles, then let's make use of our lives as singles, and when we become man and wife we have to understand that that is a season for it.
God has given us this time, so we don't need to deprive ourselves of this period.
Chibuzor: Now I want to ask you, have you met young persons who are really obsessed about getting married, let's say they are in their early twenties, and they are being pressured to get married. We see this occurrence more with young women. You've gotten a degree from the University, you've gone on NYSC, you're done with NYSC, you've gotten a job, or maybe you aren't yet employed, the next thing your parents ask you is, "When is the man coming?" and you are just 22. "When is the man coming?"
Have you met young persons in such situation, and if you have, what advice did you give them?
Peter: Okay... It's a serious problem we've been going through lately. We see ourselves counselling youths who are being pressured to go into marriage. But the truth about it is this, going into marriage is not a sin, but the obsession of going into it is. So we need to come to a point of understanding that we have a role to play on earth. God didn't just create us to go into the marriage life, God didn't just create us for that. He gave us seasons. We were once children, and there were things we had to do as children, and now we are youths and singles, and there are things we need to do.
The Bible writes "I write unto you, young men, because you are strong and you have overcome the evil one." So the time to overcome the evil one is while we're still single, while we're still young. Because the battles we fight now won't be the same with the battles we'll have to fight when we are married. We need to come to this understanding. The battles you fight now is about you, the battles we fight now as singles is about us, but when we get married, the battles we fight is not about us, but about the family we are going into, and the children we are going to bring up.
So I have met several people who have been pressured to marry.
Chibuzor: So what have you been able to tell them, because you find this amongst some of the ladies. The see the man as a meal ticket. Their parents would tell them "Marry....marry...marry....is it finding a job? Don't worry, just find a man and marry, everything is settled". What have you been able to tell them? For example today is Saturday, it's wedding everywhere and their friends and getting married, and they are feeling like 'oh my God!'
Now this question I'm asking is not about those in their late twenties and early thirties who know that they really need to get married, you find people who are twenty years old talking about marriage. You know we work with a lot of young persons; you get to hear things. Some of them are from really abusive homes, their parents are not a model of a good marriage, and they are really aching to leave that house to get married.
There is a case of a particular girl, I remember she was 18, she was telling me " If I can just get married.....", and I was like "What? You're 18!" It wasn't long afterwards I learnt the young girl had gotten pregnant. Maybe a particular young boy had told her "I'm going to marry you" and then she went "Yay...marriage? I will do everything for you", and that was it, and truly that's quite sad.
Peter: I think one advice we need to give to our fellow singles, our fellow youths, is to understand that there is purpose in life you need to accomplish. There are things you need to create. There are lives you need to impact, and the truth is, God has put these people on our shoulders so that we must impact their lives. If we fail, we are not failing ourselves, but we are failing them and failing God.
Now one advice I give them is, marriage is like a table. Both parties have something to bring to the table. So if you don't have what to bring to the table, then I don't think you are ready for marriage. Going into marriage is not a meal ticket, it isn't. You won't see that woman or that man as the source of your livelihood.
Chibuzor: Solving all your problems.
Peter: No…no...no… it's not so. One thing we need to understand is, in real life there is time, and my time may be different from yours. So if we go through our different times in the natural, so also spiritually there are different times allocated to us. Jesus said to His disciples, "My time has not yet come, but you have your time always with you."
So we need to understand that there is time for everything. What we need to do now, what we need to focus as singles is, we need to impact the world God has sent us to, not settling down for marriage.
I have a friend who got married while we were still in secondary school, but sadly today she's already out of the marriage.
Chibuzor: I wonder how old she was then.
Peter: She was still young. She did not have the capacity to carry what it takes to be in marriage. So we have cases of divorce today because they do not have the capacity to stay in marriage, and it's because they didn't build this capacity while they were singles. So singlehood is a capacity building season, and if you fail in this season, you will fail in marriage.
Chibuzor: Absolutely. I know a lot of you are listening to this and you will like to send in questions.
The number to text in is 08139691344. Please do not call because I won't take your calls. The number once again is 08139691344. Please send in your questions while we go on this short music break.
Enjoy this song by Jonathan McReynolds. It's titled 'Smile'.
We'll be right back.
Chibuzor: You are listening to 'The SunRise Convo with Chibuzor' brought to you by The SunRise Youth Intervention Organisation.
The number to text in once again is 08139691344. Some of you have tried calling. Please do not call, just send in your text messages and we will treat them. Our time is very limited, just do so quickly. Our topic today is 'How to make the most of your single life'.
Now, one of the fundamental construct or the critical ingredient for every successful marriage is maturity. Emotional maturity, physical maturity, mental maturity, financial maturity, and very importantly spiritual maturity. This is where personal development takes center stage. Do you think a lot of young persons these days are hurrying to get married without first assessing their strengths and weaknesses, and taking the initiative to refine themselves before asking someone else to spend the rest of their lives with them, do you think?
Peter: Yes, I think so. I think so. I think so. We are watering down the aspect of maturity. We are watering down the aspect of self-development. We are watering down the aspect of spiritual growth. The truth about it is that you can't make a successful man or wife when you are not mature, when you are not developed to carry the responsibility of marriage, or when you are not spiritually grounded. Because there are battles you need to fight in marriage. You don't know the family you are going into, and you don't know the battles you'll need to fight there.
See, now it's not just for the man to carry the spiritual aspect for the family, the Bible says, "Now here is a new thing, the woman would compass a man." So it's not just about the man, it's also about the woman. So you need to be emotionally prepared for marriage. You need to build up yourself both spiritually and otherwise. And we can't play down the spiritual aspect. We can't play down the spiritual aspect. The spiritual aspect of a man is important, very important because what attracts a man to a woman is that one thing you have built yourself in per time.
If we look into the Bible we understand that Rebecca was found as a wife when she was busy at her duty post. She was prepared before time and that is why she didn't fail the test. So the man or the woman you want to settle down with has a taste in his/her heart, this is the quality of the man or woman I want to settle down with, and it's not for showmanship, no, it's something inbuilt. And when you develop yourself, it's inbuilt, it's in you. So you don't need to show it for one or two times, it's a lifestyle.
Chibuzor: I would like to ask this. Someone sent in a text here. It says:
"Please I would like to know if one can get married at 15."
[Chuckles] At 15 years? This is exactly what I was talking about. At 15 years? Please, Peter.
Peter: I think the question we need to ask is, "What's attracting us to marriage?"
Chibuzor: Absolutely.... that? That is just the core question. Thank you!
Peter: What's attracting us to marriage? Is it about sex? Is it about companionship? Or is it about the warmness of a man or a woman's body?
No, it's not about it! It's about the solution you have to give to that person you're about to settle down with. The world is looking for solution givers not problem givers. So if you think your problem should be given to your spouse, then you are making a very great mistake. You should know that you're going into marriage because you want to settle situations, you want to solve problems, that's yours and that is for your husband or wife.
So going into marriage at 15, what about the capacity building aspect?
Chibuzor: Young lady, you don't have the capacity for it so don't even think about it. Don't! Just focus on your education, focus on your life, build yourself up.
Peter: Even if you cannot afford an education, there are other things you need to do to develop yourself. We should not boil down the problem to "I can't make it in school", no! There are other things we need to do to build up our capacity.
Chibuzor: So this is a capacity building period and not time to think about marriage.
There are several text messages here, I'll take this one even though our time is very limited.
" I'm 23 years old and I'm in a relationship where my Man is always talking about marriage, and I'm not ready. Now his reason is not wanting to lose me, maybe in the future".
Chibuzor: So you are in a relationship, you are in your twenties, he is talking about marriage and you are not ready, so why are you in a relationship with him?
Peter what do you have to say regarding that? She is twenty-three, the man is talking about marriage, she said she is not ready.
Peter: Well, I think we need to know the difference between being in a relationship and being into courtship.
Chibuzor: Thank you very much.
Peter: I think it's possible she could be in a relationship where it is defined. A relationship that is well defined. If she is not ready for the relationship, it means she is not prepared for marriage. And if the man is prepared for marriage, and if the man is scared of losing her, that means she is not scared of losing the man.
Chibuzor: That’s it! She is not scared of losing the man.
Peter: So if the man is not unique enough for you, I mean you should be bold enough to tell him you cannot go on with this. I think life is so easy, we make life so difficult for ourselves. We don't need to be put into pressure to do something we don't want to do. We need to speak out boldly and that's how it needs to be.
Chibuzor: So if you are not ready, it means you are not afraid of losing the man, so why be in the relationship?
We have so many text messages. I don't think we' be able to take all of them. Let me read this one. It's quite long but I'll try to read it.
"Can you please advise the young ladies who are not really interested in building character, virtues that are inestimable, invaluable, skills that would help them outline their helpmeet function in the marriage, and values they will pass on to their children because I see desperate ladies who are looking out for a meal ticket and luxury provider kind of man, whereas they are supposed to build their custom-type man...most often this ladies end so frustrated (Sam)"
So he is asking to advice ladies that are desperate to get married. They don't want to develop themselves, they are looking for whom to attach themselves to, to solve all their problems.
Peter: The advice we need to give to such people is, they need to create time for self-development. Every man, every woman, wants somebody that can impact their lives. Somebody that can come into their lives and make a difference. Positive difference, not negative difference. So many couples die today because of heart attack and what they cannot carry on because of the mistake they made before going into marriage.
So the truth about it to men and women, if you are in a relationship where your partner is not developed, and does not have the character you need, I think you don't need that relationship. I think you don't need that relationship.
Chibuzor: We have several text messages here. Clement, Ezekiel, Ekuri, Evangelist Bassey, so many of you have sent in text messages. Sorry I can't read all your text messages. Time is so limited. But we will continue this series next week Saturday. There are so many things we need to talk about to this effect, "Making the Most of Your Single Life".
I have a few announcement to make.
First of all I want to thank many of you for calling the businesses we announce on the show. Thank you for the encouragement.
If you would like to advertise, please call us on - 08065821693.
1) Classic Kitchen is offering you excellent catering services for your wedding and other special events.
Call classic kitchen on 07062174997.
2) Mbaise for Christ holds their monthly meetings every first Sunday of the month by 2pm at 39 Bassey Duke Street, Calabar. Mark your calendars.
3) Oluchizagga is offering you top-notch decorating services, cakes and confectionaries.
The number to call is 08094482588.
4) The Royal Army Mission is inviting you to a special event this Sunday tagged " Consecration for Another Level."
Venue is at The Royal Army Mission, 3 Saint Mary Street off Howell, Calabar.
Time is 8:30qm.
Come and be blessed!
5) The SunRise Youth Intervention Organisation holds a special 2-week holiday training programme for teenagers only.
Participants will be equipped with basic. Life skills and special training on Web design and digital marketing.
For more details, call Patrick on 08139691344.
Chibuzor: Pastor Peter I would like you to pray for our listeners. We've not been able to say so much due to limited time.
I want you to pray for many of them who are really obsessed about getting married the next day, that God would open their eyes to take advantage of this moment of their single life to do more for humanity.
Peter: [Prays] Father we thank you for another great opportunity you've granted us. Lord we thank you for this eye opening moment. Lord we present all our listeners out there; we ask that you give them the heart to seek you while it is day. The Bible says for the night cometh when no man can work. Lord we will not miss our time to seek after you, in the name of Jesus Christ.
According to Songs of Solomon, Lord help us not to love when it is not yet time. The Bible says we should not open up the aspect of love while it is not yet time, Lord we pray for our listeners and we pray for ourselves. Lord you'll give us the heart to follow after you. Help us to develop ourselves, and help us to get the right man and woman into our lives, in the name of Jesus, Amen!
Chibuzor: Amen. My name is Chibuzor Agomuoh. Thank you for being a part of the show. Check out the transcript of today's conversation on our website sunrisegospelzone.com.
You can check out the transcripts of previous shows.
Thank you for being a part of today's show. We'll continue this next Saturday.
Thank you, Pastor Peter, for being here.
Peter: Thank you very much.
Chibuzor: We leave you with this song by Morgan Harper. It is titled 'Storyteller'.
I love you for listening.